that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
