He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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