I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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