I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Randomize
