bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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