Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
