I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
