Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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