If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
