i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
