One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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