fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
