the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
So here I am, sexting at work.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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