Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
