Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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