she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
