dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
