My friends, they love my intelligence
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
