My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I need water and some morals
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
