We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
