i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
