He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
