I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
