You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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