its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I looked at my own cervix.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
