I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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