Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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