I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
