I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
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