I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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