Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
