She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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