Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
