I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
