I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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