i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
