Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
