i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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