I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
