My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
