4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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