Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
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