i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
