My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
