I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
