My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
