Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
What drink are we having for lunch?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Randomize
