is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
