are you so shy because you have an std?
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
