Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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