Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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